Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize