I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
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You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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