i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
