I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize