im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
