If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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