Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
