Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
