the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i wish my penis had a tongue
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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