I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book