Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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