why didn't you poke me back
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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