i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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