Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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