her facebook's as public as her vagina
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I don't deserve a penis
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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