I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
