i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
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I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
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you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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