drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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