i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
