One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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