I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she peed on how many people?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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