if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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