you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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