1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
