WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
