come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
