I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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