Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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