Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
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At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
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Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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