I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
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He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
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She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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