He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
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he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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