Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
