If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize