dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.