lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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