It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
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I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
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Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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