He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
