I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I fill condoms, not promises.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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