So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize