Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
