I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
