I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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