I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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