Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
