I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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