She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
