try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
