Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
