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• (540): View more from Virginia

  the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.

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• (713): View more from Texas

  yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.

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• (714): View more from California

  his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time

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• (315): View more from New York

  He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.

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  21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...

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• (904): View more from Florida

  we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding

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• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'

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• (309): View more from Illinois

  I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.

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• (479): View more from Arkansas

  I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.

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  19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”

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• (952): View more from Minnesota

  Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.

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• (989): View more from Michigan

  I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.

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