Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH