Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(970): View more from Colorado

i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show

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(970): i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show http://tfl.nu/yysf

Replies (5) Good night (1975) Bad night (1436)
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(406): View more from Montana

The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.

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(406): The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots. http://tfl.nu/c5g4

Replies (10) Good night (2195) Bad night (834)
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(509): View more from Washington

you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin

(509): View more from Washington

and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"

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(509): you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin (509): and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD" http://tfl.nu/lw4q

Replies (37) Good night (3763) Bad night (703)
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(602): View more from Arizona

you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!

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(602): you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies! http://tfl.nu/o9rd

Replies (18) Good night (3344) Bad night (966)
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(410): View more from Maryland

After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk

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(410): After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk http://tfl.nu/jjss

Replies (4) Good night (4968) Bad night (629)
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(419): View more from Ohio

Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?

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(419): Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie? http://tfl.nu/tj9i

Replies (83) Good night (6302) Bad night (2128)
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(920): View more from Wisconsin

You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.

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(920): You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now. http://tfl.nu/yhp5

Replies (26) Good night (1731) Bad night (7284)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE

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(732): test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE http://tfl.nu/cfpm

Replies (7) Good night (1439) Bad night (1912)
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(512): View more from Texas

That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.

(210): View more from Texas

It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?

(512): View more from Texas

Is your card paying for my plan b?

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(512): That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender. (210): It was my card, so what do you care that you lost? (512): Is your card paying for my plan b? http://tfl.nu/703j

Replies (12) Good night (1364) Bad night (2822)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"

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(402): The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?" http://tfl.nu/ovas

Replies (11) Good night (744) Bad night (1443)
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(954): View more from Florida

When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.

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(954): When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex. http://tfl.nu/36q6

Replies (4) Good night (1234) Bad night (280)
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(217): View more from Illinois

Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.

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(217): Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill. http://tfl.nu/rrda

Replies (1) Good night (434) Bad night (512)
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(214): View more from Texas

I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...

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(214): I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter... http://tfl.nu/te1k

Replies (4) Good night (971) Bad night (297)
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(262): View more from Wisconsin

I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space

(262): View more from Wisconsin

Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man

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(262): I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space (262): Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man http://tfl.nu/r48t

Replies (1) Good night (643) Bad night (268)
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(404): View more from Georgia

I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.

(843): View more from South Carolina

Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?

(404): View more from Georgia

I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.

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(404): I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight. (843): Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back? (404): I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me. http://tfl.nu/tm5b

Replies (2) Good night (422) Bad night (656)

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