Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
