I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
