Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
