it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
